Dating Someone With Debt? Questions to Ask When You Notice Red Flags
By Garrett Johnson
When you’re falling for someone, money might not be the first thing on your mind, but it often becomes one of the biggest factors in long-term compatibility, especially if you’re dating someone with debt. If the person you’re dating has debt, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are financially irresponsible. What matters more is how they’re managing it and how open they are to discussing it as your relationship gets more serious.
Talking about money can feel awkward, so many couples avoid it until frustration builds. But if you’re starting to think about moving in together, sharing expenses, or planning for the future, it’s a good time to check in. Watch for signs like disagreements over spending, secrecy around money, or stress when financial topics come up—these can all point to the need for a calm, honest conversation.
Here are some key questions to help you both navigate money conversations with honesty, respect, and care.
Since We’re Dating While in Debt, Can We Talk About Our Debts?
It’s important to remember when you are dating while in debt: not all debt is created equal. There’s a big difference between something like a student loan with a clearer repayment plan and high interest payday loans that keep growing. Debt can come from many life circumstances such as divorce, medical emergencies, or reduced income. Understanding the type and cause of the debt helps you get a fuller picture of the financial and emotional weight your partner might be carrying. Ask about the total balances, interest rates, and what the repayment schedule looks like. Offer to share your own situation too for mutual transparency to help build trust and set the tone for future conversations.
Given That Dating With Credit Card Debt is Our Situation, Have You Thought About a Repayment Plan?
Even if you are dating someone with credit card debt and they have a high balance, a consistent repayment plan can show responsibility and progress towards becoming debt free. This can help make dating while in debt less intimidating. Often, how someone is handling their debt tells you more than just looking at how much they owe.
For example, someone might choose a longer car loan term with low monthly payments, focusing on affordability in the short term, even if it means paying significantly more in interest overall. Another person might prioritize paying off the loan as quickly as possible to reduce total interest costs, even if it means tighter monthly budgeting. These choices reflect different financial mindsets: one might be more focused on immediate needs, while the other is planning with long-term goals in mind. Understanding how your partner makes these decisions can give you insight into how they’ll approach other joint financial responsibilities. Green flags include having a realistic budget, making regular payments, planning for setbacks, and setting a target for when they expect to be debt free.
How Do You Feel About Budgeting and Saving?
Your views on money don’t have to be identical, but planning for the long-term is easier when they are compatible. A person who budgets carefully or even saves too much may struggle in a relationship with someone who spends impulsively. Shared values around money will help reduce tension while also supporting long-term financial goals.
To talk openly about money, try setting aside regular times to discuss your finances without distractions. Start by asking each other questions like, “How do you usually decide what to spend money on?” or “What does saving mean to you?” Be honest about your feelings. For example, you might say, “I feel stressed when I don’t know how our money is being spent.” Then, listen carefully to your partner’s point of view without judgment.
Together, discuss your daily spending habits, saving goals, and how you’ll handle any shared expenses like rent or groceries. Agreeing on shared goals and creating a simple budget together can help you stay on the same page and avoid surprises. And don’t worry if you can’t agree on everything, simply start with what you can agree on and work on the rest as you go.
What Would Our Strategy to Manage Money as a Couple Be If We Lived Together or Got Married?
Debt and financial decisions can impact your joint goals, from renting an apartment to applying for a mortgage or starting a family. If one partner’s debt limits options, it’s better to know in advance so you can plan for it together. Take the opportunity to talk about whether you’d keep finances separate, fully combine them, or use a hybrid approach. Exploring different strategies to manage money as a couple can help you find the approach that works best for both of you.
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How to Support a Partner With Debt – Ask Them: Are You Open to Advice or Support?
Not everyone wants help, but if you’re looking for how to support a partner with debt, there are some helpful ways to provide support — whether it’s budgeting together, finding affordable ways to enjoy dates, choosing frugal food or eating out options, meal planning to save on groceries, or even having a buddy to help break a costly habit. Exploring positive money habits can make a big different, like copying successful money habits to building financial confidence. Sometimes, exploring services you can get for free from a non-profit credit counselling agency is a useful first step.
Being open shows a willingness to grow, change, and have difficult conversations, especially if debt is causing stress. Instead of offering unsolicited advice, a mindful way to support a partner with debt may be to ask if it would be helpful to talk through a few options together. While they might not take you up on your offer right away, given a little time, they might surprise you and come around to accepting some help.
Do You Ever Wonder, Can Debt Ruin a Relationship – And Can We Be Real With Each Other About Money?
Be diligent about cutting the ‘small spends’ in your budget to see some big savings. A good place to start is unsubscribing from newsletters and notifications from your favourite stores, sharing their upcoming bargains and must-have products.
You can scale back further on your discretionary spending, by making lunch and coffee at home and skipping the drive throughs whenever you can. Track how much money you’re saving or transfer the amount over to a savings account each day or week. It will give you a better sense of how much money you’re saving, and it will incentivize you to keep going!
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Debt doesn’t define your partner, but how they handle it—and how you talk about it—can shape your relationship’s future. These conversations don’t have to be scary or uncomfortable. In fact, they can bring you closer as a couple when there’s honesty, respect, and a willingness to understand where each other is coming from. Even if one of you isn’t ready to plan far ahead, starting small and taking things one step at a time can still make a difference. If you’re looking for support, our credit counsellors can help you and your partner understand your options and build a realistic plan to deal with your debt—without judgement and at no cost.
Last Updated on August 15, 2025
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